Lika Starr

The phrase “that’s so gay” has gained popularity over recent years to the point where some of us hear it every day.

[Source: Slap Upside The Head Used with permission - all rights reserved by the creator]

The following letter was written in the Public Forum section of The Salt Lake Times:

“Sometimes casual remarks can be hurtful even though that’s not the intent. An example is the comment, ‘That’s so gay.’As far as I know, the term ‘gay’ can mean happy, bright or
merry, or it can refer to someone of homosexual orientation. It’s not
an adjective representing something negative.
I find this statement extremely discriminating toward
homosexual people because it links homosexuality with unacceptable,
negative things.
When I tell people who use the comment that it is disrespectful, they reply that it is simply a phrase.
Imagine someone who is gay, but hasn’t revealed it, hearing that having to pay a bill is ‘gay.’

That is comparing them to something unwanted. The phrase is not
harmless. It is inconsiderate and has the potential to hurt people.”

Adriane Berenson
Salt Lake City

Lika’s Take:

I’ve been wanting to write about this subject for quite some time. The reason I haven’t is because I’m on the fence whether or not I personally find this offensive. I’m aware that my own flips on the subject should be secondary when it’s obvious others are deeply offended by its use. But I also have to look at the greater cause that might be brewing before my eyes.

With that said, I’ll just jump right in…

I’ll start by saying that I do not like labels. That includes the “gay” label. Even worse, I don’t like the fact that society forces us into groups whether it be by race, handicaps, religion or sexual orientation. Usually there are always negative connotations that goes along with belonging to these groups in the public eye. As the old saying goes “Why can’t we just get along?”

The problem with the phrase “that’s so gay” is that it uses those negative connotations. It is basically a slang phrase that takes the place of many others in one simple shot. Such as: That’s so lame; That’s so stupid; That’s so Ugly; That so weird. This list goes on and on. The commonality is they are all negative. If that is not offensive enough by itself the phrase is also usually said in an expressive tone that makes fun of its target.

Now here’s where I tend to flip my view on this subject. I’ve noticed that more and more younger bisexuals and homosexuals choose not to identify themselves as gay or otherwise. There’s no closet, they are just who they are and that’s it without public labels. Along with that, the gay scene as we’ve known it is diminishing. Gay bars are fading while the younger crowds both gay and straight mix and mingle in the more popular clubs and all is good. On occasion even the traditionally gay club can become the popular hangout for all in some metro areas.

Maybe I’m being an optimist in all this but I strongly feel that the phrase “that’s so gay” ties in deeper with the gay movement for equality than we may realize. It’s apparent that those who use the phrase are not doing so to offend anyone. To them it’s simply a casual phrase of the younger generation. Maybe this is saying more than even they realize. Maybe the label “gay” is lame and that’s what the phrase stems from. Even more astounding is the fact that this phrase has quickly transcended at least 2o years of young people. Most widely used in high school aged kids. But it is also commonly used from college aged adults all the way down to elementary children.

That is why I’m not as personally offended by the phrase as some others definitely are. My take on it is that young people don’t like being labeled as gay or straight. From a humanity point of view it makes perfect sense and I can certainly understand their reluctance to be grouped by a label with negative ramifications.

As few as fifteen years ago the word “queer” was just about as a derogatory word as one could get for demeaning homosexuals. In rebuttal a social movement took place and homosexuals decided to own the word themselves proclaiming messages like “we’re queer and we’re proud.” Now the word is simply recognized as another word for homosexuality and is usually only used in a derogatory manner by old-timers who just don’t grow out in their bigoted ways.

So, the question I have to ask myself and you is this. Could the phrase “that’s so gay” be our younger generation’s way of disowning the “gay” label? If it were used exclusively by younger people who identify as bisexual or homosexual then I would say the answer would be a definite yes. But it’s not, it’s used by everyone to an extent. Yes there are still those younger people who advocate against its use because they feel it is offensive and derogatory to homosexuals as a group. But there are also a large number of homosexuals who use the phrase themselves and others that are not the least bit offended by it.

Its wide use by those of all sexual orientations coupled with the fact that its intent is rarely used as a derogatory slant towards homosexuals leads me to believe it may be a movement to disown the label. If so, that is fine by me. It fits perfectly in line with the fact that our younger generation is a lot more open to equal rights for all regardless of sexual orientation including the right for same sex marriage.

Right or wrong I think the phrase “that’s so gay” says a lot more than what its credited for by older adults. If this is true, the sad part about disowning labels (even though I don’t l like them) is that our gay heritage will also fade away like the gay bars that have closed their doors. If it is all part of progress led by our younger generation then it’s something that we must learn to live with.

Looking back at my earlier years, I would have loved the idea of not having to hide my sexual orientation for fear of being labeled gay and ridiculed by society because of it. Because of that I will do my part to help ensure that our future generations of diverse sexual orientations do not have to go down that road.

Lika Starr

Additional Notes: The image above was drawn by Mark of Montreal, Canada. Mark is a talented illustrator even if he says otherwise on his site (an artist is his worst own critic). His site Slap Upside The Head takes a unique approach on homophobia awareness. Mark’s focus is within Canada but his message profoundly transcends world-wide. Check it out.