London — Actor Christian Bale, who plays Batman in the just released super blockbuster The Dark Knight was arrested Tuesday morning in London on assault allegations. The London police confirm that Bale was arrested but said no charges were filed. Bale was released on bail and asked to return in September.
What happened? Bale was in London to attend events related to this past weekend’s opening of the The Dark Knight. His mother and sister came by on Sunday to visit him in his hotel room. According to media sources, there was a scuffle and Bale’s mother and sibling told police he assaulted them. Inside Edition is reporting that Bale pushed one of the women down over an old family argument.
The police said they didn’t want to question Bale and ruin his weekend because of the movie and the events taking place. Bale turned himself in on Tuesday morning where he was questioned for 4 hours. He denied the allegations against him as he told his account of what happened to the police.
Related: You may have missed my review of The Dark Knight.
Lika’s Take:I would have thought this was all a ploy to sell tickets had it happened a day or two before The Dark Knight was released. So is it real? You bet it is and here’s how it all [might have] went down. Gotta love a good celebrity sibling rivalry!
~ Satire ~
Knock! Knock! [Mom and Sis at the door]
Chris: Hi Mom, hi Sis!
Mom: [Smiling] Hi hun, congrats on the success of the movie. It’s breaking all the records.
Sis: Hi…[sighs...]
Bale: Thanks Mom, it is very exciting. Yeah, It’s about time. I will get some recognition this time.
Sis: (Clearing her throat) Yeah?
Chris: Sis, what’s your problem?
Sis: Oh, nothing. Just thinking about donuts.
Mom: Donuts?
Chris: Donuts. What donuts? Did they have donuts in the lobby? You want some? I can have them sent up.
Sis: No, you dork. When we were kids. Those fucking donuts!
Mom: Oh my God! Not those donuts. Not again. Don’t you ever get tired of bringing that up? Good Lord!
Chris: C’mon Sis. Get over it. That was years ago.
Sis: I know. And you’re still doing it! You’ll never change. Will you?
Chris: What the hell are you talking about? Change what? God, you’re stupid sometimes.
Mom: Alright kids, don’t argue. You know what happens when you do this. Now please, just shut up and stop it!
Sis: Shut up Mom!
Chris: Shut up Mom!
Sis: You shut up Chris.
Chris: NO! You shut up bitch!
Sis: I ordered those donuts for Dad when he was sick and you know it!
Chris: I know, I said I was sorry already. That was years ago. God! You whiny brat!
Sis: I was on the phone when the delivery man came to drop them off. You! — Yes, you answered the door and took them to Dad. He was so happy and they made him feel so much better. Then you told him you ordered them. Bastard!!! [hangs head and starts balling].
Chris: Fuck! What a crybaby! Get over it, we were just kids.
Sis: Shut up! I wanted to tell him but I couldn’t. I knew if I did, he’d get upset. And you knew that too. Didn’t you? You fucking bastard!
Mom: I’m not going to stand here and listen to this anymore. Come on, let’s go before this gets out of hand, again!
Sis: I’m not going anywhere. Not until you see what a self glorifying pig your son is.
Chris: What the hell are you talking about?
Sis: This movie! This movie is what I’m talking about. You’re doing it again. Someone else did all the work and you’re taking credit for it.
Chris: What are you talking about. And stop yelling at me! Bitch!
Sis: Bitch?!?! You’re the fucking bitch. Walking around like you’re some kind of God’s gift to the world. Like you are the reason this movie is so successful. You know what I’m talking about. Don’t you!
Chris: NO! No, I don’t. But I do know this. I want you to get the fuck out now! Get the FUCK out!
Sis: Yes you do! You know who I’m talking about. You know he’s the reason your stupid movie is getting all this attention. But just like the damn donuts, you’re trying to steal his thunder. Just like you did to me. The man is dead for God’s sake!
Chris: That’s not true. I did great in this movie. I deserve this! I’ll finally get an Oscar. Not because of cheating but because I worked for it.
Sis: Oh yeah? You worked for it, huh? You call that acting? Ha! What exactly did you do? Where were you on the afternoon… [Chris puts his hand over Sis's mouth, stopping her sentence]
Chris: Get the fuck out, Bitch! Get out!
Sis: [Muttering loudly] No! NO!
Chris: Get the fuck out! Now! [Yelling as he shoves Sis toward the door].
Sis: [Sobbing on her knees] I’m calling the police! You will pay for this Chris! This is the last time you’ll get away with taking someone’s glory! Come on Mom, lets get out of here.
Chris: FUCK YOU! [Yelling as he slams the door behind them on their way out]
Mom: [Thinking to herself] “God! Where did I go wrong with those two?”
~ Satire ~
Disclaimer: I wrote the above dialog. It is not true. I repeat, it is not true. It is satire and meant to be funny. Well, sort of funny. Yeah, I know — sick, huh?Who knows what really happened except for those directly involved. Maybe someday we’ll find out. Then again, I’m not really sure I even want to know.
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that is fucking hilarious!
which scene and movie is that photo from? that’s hot!
not sure how i got here as i wasn’t searching for this but your satire is effing hilarious. nothing like a good sibling rivalry gone bad. haha
whoa! that’s and old post to find when you weren’t looking for it. thanks for the compliment. I kinda miss writing stuff like that…