Lika Starr

[Image Source: Lika Starr]

I received a letter from one of my readers asking for advice. He also asked me to publish it if I thought it might help others. I wouldn’t normally publish another family’s personal problems. I really don’t like the idea getting in the middle of family issues other than my own (I don’t like those either, lol). However, this letter hits a nerve that is too common amongst family’s going through a loved one coming out as gay. I’ve experienced similar struggles myself so I thought maybe I could help.

Here’s the letter:

Lika,

My name is Thomas. I am 23 and gay living in the southwest. I really enjoy your site. You have a writing style and persona that doesn’t fear any subject. I haven’t commented on your blog before but I do check it every day. You say you’re from Dallas so we’re practically neighbors. I came out to all of family and friends earlier this year after graduating college.

I expected some repercussions and did lose some of my straight male friends. My family mostly supports me except for my brother and my father doesn’t want to discuss it. I can handle that since they are honest and don’t lie to me. I know my father will come around in time. But it is the others that get to me. The people who are two faced about how they really feel.

Take my aunt for example; “Awww, it’s Tommy, my gay prince. I’m so proud of you. Every time I think of you, it reminds me of how hard I had to fight for women’s equality in the workplace. Have you had your Gay Pride this year yet?” This was said a couple of weeks ago when I last saw her.

Then, in my absence her true colors blanket her words. Here’s part of an email conversation she had with a close friend of mine. This friend is also my cousin who is my aunt’s daughter. It bothers my friend as much as me and is why she shared it with me. My friend asked her mother to explain her problem with my sexual orientation.

“I feel sorry for my dear Tommy. I loved him so much as a child. Always helping me with things around the house. He was such a good boy. He says his lifestyle isn’t a choice but it was his choice to pursue it.

I love Tommy dearly but I can’t bear to tell him how I feel. It is unfortunate but he has ruined his life and will never have the opportunities life could have afforded him if he were normal. It pains me deeply to think of what he’s done to himself and his own family. The heartache, the pain, the sex with other men. It’s just morbid to think of so I choose not to when he’s around. I’m sorry if that hurts you.”

What would you do? How should I deal with her? She was my favorite aunt growing up. I always looked up to her for advice and inspiration. I thought she was one of the most liberal minded people in the world. Now it seems I am shattered and do not know what to do.

If you think this will help others I don’t mind if you publish it.

Thomas

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